Stress Management for High Achievers: Break Free from the Cycle That Pulls You Away from What Matters
Even when life looks “perfect on paper,” high achievers often feel trapped in cycles of stress, pressure, and internal rules that pull them away from what matters most. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps you notice these internal and external patterns, regain control, and intentionally act in alignment with your values. In this post, you’ll learn why these cycles arise and try a mini ACT Matrix exercise to identify when to persist and when to pivot.
Download our free ACT Matrix worksheet for a deeper reflection
You’ve worked hard for this life—the career, the family, the meticulously scheduled calendar. And yet, even when you’re doing everything “right,” stress still creeps in, pulling your attention away from what matters most.
You’re not broken. This is common. Internal pressures—like people-pleasing, achievement-driven drive, or conflict avoidance—can steer your behavior away from your values, even when your intentions are good. These pressures often push you into external behaviors: overworking, saying yes too often, or taking on responsibilities that aren’t yours. Those behaviors reinforce stress, creating a self-perpetuating cycle.
This is where ACT can help. By noticing these internal and external patterns, you can pause, pivot, and act intentionally in ways that align with your values, instead of being pulled by the pressures driving your stress. In the next section, we’ll explore what’s really happening and guide you through a mini ACT Matrix exercise to see when stress is a signal to persist and when it’s your cue to pivot toward what truly matters.
What's Really Happening?
On one hand, there are the things that truly matter to you—your values. Who and what are most important? How do you want to show up in life? What kind of person do you want to be? Maybe you value mindful living, being calm and balanced, or nurturing relationships with family and friends.
On the other hand, there are the thoughts and feelings that get in the way. These internal experiences can pull you away from what matters—like being people-pleasing, conflict-averse, or highly achievement-oriented.
(Quick note: these aren’t bad qualities—they’re strengths! They only become unhelpful when they take over and guide your behavior away from what’s truly important.)
When these thoughts and feelings take the wheel, they often lead to external behaviors that move you away from your values. You might work longer hours, agree to extra projects, or take on responsibilities that aren’t yours—while neglecting the things that matter, like hobbies, sleep, or quality time with loved ones.
What happens then is a swirling cycle:
Your internal “away” thoughts and feelings (people-pleasing, achievement pressure) push you into “away” external behaviors.
Those behaviors reinforce the internal pressure, creating a vicious twirling-whirly loop.
ACT teaches you how to notice these away internal behaviors and pivot toward behaviors that align with your values. Instead of automatically saying yes to one more assignment, you can choose a response that honors both your values and limits—like saying no, delegating, or negotiating a way to still care for yourself.
Over time, this pivot helps you live more fully toward your values, rather than spinning in the swirly-whirly of unhelpful thoughts and feelings. You start to act from what matters, not from what pulls you away.
Mini Exercise: The ACT Matrix
Here’s a simple tool to help you map out what’s keeping you stuck—and how to move forward.
You can download the free ACT Matrix printable worksheet HERE.
Or answer these prompts on your own. Starting in the bottom right quadrant:
Who and what matters most to you? e.g., presence with your kids, meaningful work, laughter, your health.
What thoughts and feelings get in the way of what’s important to you? e.g., “I’m the reliable employee” “I don’t want to explain myself or deal with conflict if I say no.” “It’ll be faster if I just get it done.”
What do you do to get away from those thoughts? e.g., working late, saying “yes” when you want to say “no.”
What small actions can you take to move toward those values—even if guilt shows up? e.g., scheduling true rest time, setting work boundaries, saying “no” kindly.
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about awareness. When you see what’s running the show, you can choose something different.
The ACT Insight
Burnout isn’t always about external stress. Often, it’s the internal conflict between your values and the pressure to prove your worth through constant productivity. ACT doesn’t “fix” you—it frees you. It helps you pause, notice what’s happening inside, and respond intentionally, rather than reacting out of habit.
Want to Go Deeper?
✔ Download our free ACT Matrix printable
✔ Try a weekly reflection for a month
✔ Join our 1:1 behavioral health program to explore how ACT can help you reclaim energy, live your values, and enjoy life more fully
